Rise Above the Story

April 15, 2024
This urgent, compassionate guide to reframing one’s own narrative and thinking blends practical self-help advice, complete with much hard-won practical knowledge, with a raw look at Kilcoyne’s own life story: how she endured a hard childhood, struggled to find happiness as an adult, and then, through therapy and a host of searching techniques, began the hard but edifying work of “unraveling decades’ worth of emotional malnourishment and releasing the shame that fueled my story.” Growing up with abusive parents, watching her father go to prison, and caring for her siblings and a mother who never left bed, Kilcoyne never had a childhood, mortified at being destitute and often facing life without water or power—in every sense of the word.
Kilcoyne developed a fear of abandonment and a deep need to hide her shame, and she made unhealthy relationships and personal choices well into adulthood. When she began the slow path towards healing, an empowering path she lays out here for others, Kilcoyne discovered she needed to face how the personal “story” that she told herself was holding her back. Her vivid, moving account of healing will pull readers in, and survivors of any type of trauma will relate and feel real hope as Kilcoyne demonstrates how a debilitating narrative can be changed with dedicated work, the courage to get to know one’s self in the deepest ways, and a willingness to try multiple approaches.
Kilcoyne leads the way by telling her story—both what she lived and what she felt—with rare candor and insight, while coaching readers through clear, resonant explanations of trauma, brain chemistry, and more. As she introduces a host of steps toward story changing (mindfulness practice, journaling, therapy, mediation, and many more) she notes that everyone’s healing journey will be different. Above all, she asks readers to trust the truths that emerge from this work, arguing “This is the doorway to your new life.” Journal prompts and incisive questions invite reader introspection.
Takeaway: Powerful, inviting guide to resetting one’s narrative of trauma.
Comparable Titles: Lisa Weinert’s Narrative Healing, David Denborough’s Retelling the Stories of Our Lives.
Production grades
Cover: A
Design and typography: A
Illustrations: N/A
Editing: A
Marketing copy: A

May 1, 2024
Former criminal defense attorney Kilcoyne, a survivor of parental abuse, offers a guide to growth and recovery. The author writes that, as a preteen in the 1980s, she had to care for her younger siblings and mentally ill mother for years while her abusive father served time in federal prison. She presents accounts in this book that will prove difficult for many readers to endure. At one point, for instance, she tells of "the first time, but certainly not the last, I felt responsible for my mother's survival," when she was 8 years old and her bedridden, depressed mother pressed the muzzle of a gun to her own temple. Such moments are evenly buoyed, however, with calm explorations into the human psyche, bolstered by solid references to the works of such respected researchers and clinicians as Gabor Mat� and Bessel van der Kolk. Her warm, conversational style creates an inviting space for readers to contemplate the sadness and the science of trauma. She insightfully describes the "tightly woven yarns of untruths" that cause people to get "tangled up in [their] stories." But Kilcoyne maintains an encouraging, motivational tone throughout, and the "Let's Sum It Up" and "Now It's Your Turn" sections effectively complement each instructive chapter with prompts to help readers apply what they've learned to their own realities. She asserts that the key to healing is having the ability to forgive past transgressions. Kilcoyne refreshingly notes, however, that abusive parents must also take responsibility for their own actions. In addition, she astutely points out that feelings of shame, such as the kind she felt when she was forced to beg neighbors for grocery money, don't fade without forgiveness. Kilcoyne tells of how her later success as a lawyer didn't keep her from feeling terrified of being alone. "The trauma didn't happen because we deserved it," she writes, but she notes that this fact won't stop one's brain from making it seem so. Overcoming such thinking is hard work, and in this book, Kilcoyne helps to demonstrate how that's possible. A well-reasoned and highly accessible manual for overcoming past trauma and attaining truly unlimited lives.

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